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Big, Fat Sofa Cushion

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Thursday, 09 June 2005

Yesterday, I was late for an appointment and frantically looking through my very pathetic summer wardrobe to find a pair of shorts that might fit over the lumpy behemoth that has grown on the top of my legs.  Having minimal success, I squeezed into the only pair available; a beautiful elastic waist, pink, purple and white plaid, and threw on an XL t-shirt to hide their challenged waistline.

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The Blog in My Eye

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Wednesday, 08 June 2005

At 3:45 in the afternoon with the last load of laundry folded, I’m reminding my home schooled first grader that we still pay taxes and I have no compunction about loading him on the public school bus if he doesn’t buckle down and finish his math.

My ranting is disrupted by the ringing phone.  Annoyed, I check the caller ID to decide if it’s worth answering.  The display panel indicates the call is from a neighbor; did I ever talk to my husband about that external hard-drive she wanted to buy?   Shoot.  I decide to fess-up and make my apologies.  Alex, my reluctant student, is thankful for the diversion and uses this reprieve to goad his younger brother.

 

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He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not

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Tuesday, 31 May 2005

Are you dating or currently engaged to be married?  Here is a test you can perform to see if your boy or girlfriend really loves you.  It is a much more reliable method than plucking petals off a daisy.

First, compose a silly ditty that calls attention to an endearing, possibly embarrassing, quality possessed by your future spouse.

Then, at dinner parties or other business socials, take every opportunity to work your composition into conversations with your fiancé’s co-workers, bosses, or other esteemed colleagues. 

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It's Alive, It's Alive

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Monday, 30 May 2005

Hello.  My name is Cindy and I am a procrastinator.

Procrastinators never do today what can be put off until tomorrow.  We are motivated only by two things; pain and fear.  I experienced both when I went to get something out of the van; pain when a big book slipped out and landed on my foot and fear, when I was overcome by an unidentifiable something fetid and realized that, ready or not, it was finally time to perform mini-van detail. 

 

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What I Want More Than Anything

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Thursday, 26 May 2005

Growing up, my number one fantasy was to be a singer.  Even now, I will belt out a few bars of “Leaving on a Jet Plane” or “City of New Orleans” accompanied by a maladroit attempt at the guitar.  The performance is strictly for immediate family, though, and is usually aborted by one of the kids blocking his ears with his palms and yelling “BLAH, BLAH, BLAH, BLAH!”

 

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