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And Ye Shall Rule Over the Animals and Subdue Them

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Wednesday, 17 August 2005

We've completed our first week of school and kudos to the boys for getting over their sleep deprivation and Emmy quality drama to complete week 1 of Stewardship:  Ecology and Conservation.  The only tears since Monday have been those shed by Alex over the devastation to the rain forests and subsequent animal displacement.  He's my little tree-hugger.

Chris is pro anything that means fewer animals on the planet.  He's his mother's son.


Aaron and the Big, Golden Puffs

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Monday, 08 August 2005

Some of the most rewarding moments for me as a parent are when I hear the names and explanations that my kids have invented to describe what they see.  Chuck and I don’t talk “baby talk” to the boys, and we always try to address their questions with honest answers.  Body parts are no exception.  When the subject comes up, we tell it like it is; none of that “pee-pee” or “wee-wee” stuff.  One thing they’ve never asked about, though, is a woman’s chest.  In fact, it was Alex who provided his own name, “Puffs,” and contrary to my own convictions I’ve never corrected him because I think it’s just too darned cute and, coming from a young mouth, sounds much better than “boobs.”

According to Alex and Chris, “puffs” refers to one’s chest, male or female and a “puff” is one side of the chest.  One day a friend was visiting with her kids and we heard Alex exclaim, “Chris, you hit him in the puff!”  I explained to my friend what a “puff” is and I realized that the kids are soon going to outgrow the term, especially when their more worldly peers respond with “Puffs?  What’s a puff?  Those aren’t puffs, they’re boobs!”

One day, Chris was playing dress-up-stuffed-animals.  He was showing me one clever female costume and, sure enough, he had even worked in the anatomy by creating “puffs” out of a small building toy with 2 spherical shapes connected by a short stick.  It fit nicely into the paper-towel toga he had made for Mr. Bear.  I thought maybe Mr. Bear’s stage name could be “Puff, the Magic Drag-Queen.”

Another time, we were walking through the lingerie section in a department store and Alex pointed to the lacy bras, turned to his brother and said “Eeew, look at the puff holders!”

Perhaps Chuck’s favorite is when Chris asked “Daddy, when I grow up will I have puffs like you?”  Indeed, time to dig out the Bow-flex.

One of our favorite cereals is the Malt-O-Meal brand “Golden Puffs.”  It is hard, though, to say the name out loud without conjuring a mental image of Aaron and the Israelites waiting for Moses to descend the mountain with a message from God, but Moses is taking so long that the people decide to make their own god by melting all their gold jewelry.  What was Aaron’s defense when the righteously angered Moses finally arrived to see his people dancing and worshipping their new god? 

“Moses, it wasn’t my fault!  Those people put the gold in the fire and out burst this pair of great, big, golden puffs!” 

And that's why he had to climb the mountain for a new set of Ten Commandments;  Moses, wide-eyed in shock and wonder, dropped his load and the stone tablets shattered at his feet.


Vengeance Is Mine

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Tuesday, 17 May 2005

What vile plot hath a toy manufacturer?  Lo! Agent of the dark side.  Thee, offering asylum to thine high-tech minions as they churn unto the world thine tools of torture.

Into our home arrived one such vehicle of vexation.  One with a life-force all it's own, unencumbered by normal battery-life; the Rock-N-Roll-Sounds Electric Guitar. 



The Frugal Homemaker

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Thursday, 12 May 2005

I've made a couple of career changes in my years; starting as a programmer, then into sales, then a SAHM.  I realized I needed to get out of programming after two incidents in particular; one where I wrote some code that awarded 100,000 pairs of golden cadillac earrings to Mary Kay Beauty Consultants who didn't earn them. 


Potty Talk

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Sunday, 08 May 2005

Moms and dads, there will come a day when you have no choice but to usher your small children of the opposite sex into your public restroom stall while you attend to urgent matters.

Of course, the restroom will be very busy and your child will be very inquisitive.   Allow me to share some examples from personal experience:


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