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Have you ever known anyone who lives up to the housewife image of June Cleaver?  Perfect make-up?  Always smiling and calm?  Impeccably dressed from pearls to pumps?  Dinner on the dining table - table with a cloth, mind you - by 5:30 PM; dessert and coffee to follow?  Spotless house?  Made beds? 

I've never met her, either.

As I sit here in my fuzzy slippers, gazing upon a stack of paper and junk mail, watching my son write his name in the dust on the table, I realize that, I might not be June Cleaver, but I have a few helpful hints to share with some of you just starting out on the glamorous path of housewivery.

Here you go:

  1. If it might be a couple days before you "get" to the dinner dishes, keep the lids on your cookware so you won't have to soak pots and pans as long when you're ready to wash them.
  2. You can leave your dirty laundry piled in a heap for 5 - 7 days, in average humidity, before it will mildew.
  3. You can leave your wet clothes in the washer for about 3 days before the load starts to mildew.
  4. Don't bother composting all those spoiled vegetables you cleaned out of the crisper after your new monthly healthy-meal plan fell apart.  You'll never plant the garden.  Cut your losses, toss 'em and buy frozen next time.
  5. Not only is Avon Skin-So-Soft an insect repellent, it makes a great rust remover for the Weber grill.  SSS is also an herbicide.  Do not use it to clean your rusty grill on the front lawn.
  6. Do not buy what the dryer will not de-wrinkle.  If you are under the delusion that you will press those pretty linen pants on sale for 75% off, may I direct your attention to points 2 and 3.
  7. Two words:  Artificial houseplants.
  8. Toss the old magazines, dear.  Yes, you paid a lot for the subscription, but if you haven't read the article in 3 years, you ain't gonna.
  9. Chances are, if you regularly experience any of the above then you’ve married someone just like you.  Hire a lawn guy.
  10. If you can relate to any of this, do not attempt to fry fish at home.

Feel free to add your own helpful hints in the comments.  Maybe together we can craft the next self-help best seller!

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The Bible promises that, for those born again, the Holy Spirit will reside in our hearts and begin to yield His fruit through us.  It's not always clear to me that His nurturing and pruning are, in fact, bearing fruit through my life.  So, I love those times when I'm tested and can look back on the episode with the peace and comfort of knowing that yes, He is indeed at work even in a wretch like me.

For instance, this morning one of the moms on a homeschool curriculum group I visit needed urgent help solving a math problem for her middle-school child.  Her question was, "What fraction is one-half of 1/4?"  She added that she has searched high and low and all of Google for the answer, but can't find confirmation that she is correct.

Well.  The old me would have posted a knee-jerk reply something like:  "OMG!   You need to put the pencil down and step away from the text books.  Run immediately to your ISD and enroll your kids while they still have a %#$@ @#$# chance of making it to adulthood with a couple of brain cells intact!" 

That was the old me. 

The new me deleted the temptation from my inbox and allowed one with greater grace and tact answer her question.

Of course, I'm still a work in progress.  I couldn't resist blogging about it.

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I'm standing with a fresh, steamy cup of coffee, chatting with a new acquaintance.  "Can I get you some coffee?"

"No," she says, I don't drink caffiene.

"No coffee?  It's the nectar of God!  How do you get through the morning without coffee?"

"I'm Mormon," she smiles.

The good news is that I shut up before asking when she's due.  I'm not that dumb.

  1. The Frugal Savant

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